The boy is officially one month old today. Hard to believe that a month has already passed, even though it feels like the longest month ever. But we made it. There were times when I had my doubts!
We've managed to make it from day to day, enduring each trial as it pops up. The biggest trial, so far, has been with breastfeeding. I developed extremely sore nipples, to the point where near the end of the second week, I dreaded each feeding and gritted my teeth to the point where I feared they might crack. It got to the point where one morning I sat in my rocker bawling, while Gavin sat on my lap, hungry and bawling. I simply couldn't bear to inflict the pain on myself one more time. I hated myself because of what a bad mother that obviously made me, the fact that my boy was starving and I wasn't willing to do what it took to feed him.
Thank God for Jason, who called Emma, who I had previously talked to about the breastfeeding problems. Thank God for Emma, too, because she gave Jason a game plan that eventually got us through that time. On her advice, Jason went out and bought a breast pump (not a breast pimp, which is what I originally typed just there!), and for the next 30 hours or so, I pumped on the bad side and fed Gavin just on the good side -- "good" being a relative term, as that side also hurt like hell, just a slightly better version of hell than the "bad" side. That helped, and for a few days I was able to survive feedings again. Until the bad side got worse again. Another 24 hours of pumping helped only a little. I attended a La Leche League meeting with Emma, and the leader there helped me. From that point, I think it started to improve, bit by tiny wee bit each day. Then, last Monday morning I woke up and ta-da! I found that the pain was reduced to a level I could tolerate. I don't know what precipitated the change, but I'm not questioning it. I'm just glad that I can feed him without breaking into tears now. I'm actually starting to enjoy breastfeeding now!
Apart from breastfeeding woes, we've been having what seems like a pretty easy time of it. Gavin much prefers to be held and most of the time, complains loudly when I put him down. If it weren't for the sling, this would be a much bigger problem than it is. The sling is a fantastic, magical device. Gavin stays close to me and is held, but I have my arms and hands free. What could be better? We've even started taking him out of the car seat and carrying him around stores in the sling instead of the baby carrier, since he often got fussy in the carrier.
My own recovery from birth is nearly complete. I feel almost like my normal self, and with the exception of the gajillion pounds I have to lose and the Very Jiggly Belly, I even look a bit like my old self, too. Seeing how I haven't cried for no reason in days, I think it's safe to say the postpartum hormones have leveled off. Unfortunately, it seems that just as one thing goes away, another pops up to take its place. It seems that I have developed tendonitis in my wrists from carrying him and holding him. I saw the doctor today, because it kept getting worse despite my efforts at icing and wrapping and such. The doctor said it was tendonitis and said it is a common thing with new mothers. Not much to do but ice it and keep it wrapped and avoid using it as much as possible (ha!), and in a month or two, I should be back to normal. It's far worse in the right wrist than the left, which is good in that I only have ONE bad arm, but bad in that it's my dominant one. The joy.
It's hard to be completely bummed about the tendonitis, though, because every time I look at Gavin I forget just about everything in the world except how incredible he is. Over the weekend I noticed that he had changed. I couldn't explain it, but something about his face changed very subtley so that he looked much more mature one day than he had the day before. Sunday was a very big day for Gavin!
Posted by allison at May 5, 2004 06:35 PM