Yesterday Gavin made a big leap in walking. As I watched him toddle around, I could almost see him changing from using walking as a "sometimes" way of getting from point A to point B to a "pretty much always" way of getting there. Today he's been walking longer distances than he has yet, going all over the place and even turning around in circles and stopping and starting.
We were at my grandmother's tonight and the other elderly folks there were charmed as can be by his toddling. We were supposed to go to ny nephew's birthday party tonight but because of the snow and the far drive out to Shannon's, they canceled the party. So we took Grandma out for ice cream instead, since she was expecting to get out of the home for a while. When we got back we sat down in the common room for a while and Gavin walked around and around getting into everything he could.
One of Gavin's favorite pastimes is pushing things. You name it, if it moves, he will push it - chairs, cardboard boxes, his high chair, the big heavy rocking chair in the family room, end tables, pillows on the floor. Tonight he found a wheel chair sitting unused and moved around and around that thing trying to figure out how to push it, until he happed to push the lever that unlocks it. He is so freaking persistent. He was so happy when it finally moved, he pushed that wheel chair around and around and around, and probably would still be pushing it to this moment if we hadn't stopped him.
Speaking of my grandmother, we've been spending a lot of time with her since my grandfather died. Every few days we'll go stop by and see her at the home where she lives. It's a really nice place, but she has such a hard time being there. She misses her husband and she is paranoid (because of her memory problems and because of all the change happening lately in her life) so it can be difficult to know what to say. What could I possibly say to comfort her? I've been through nothing like what she's experiencing, so any words of consolation or explanation that I come up with feel hollow and unhelpful. I wish I knew what would help her - if anything would.
Posted by allison at March 1, 2005 12:04 PMHoney, there is nothing you can say to your Grandma to help except to tell her that you love her. She lost her life partner, and that is a huge loss. But she has you, and she has Gavin, and she knows that she and her husband both live on through him.
Just continue visiting her. Nothing will make her feel as wonderful as having Gavin around...(and I speak from experience!) It will be good for him too. He needs interaction with older folks as well. Make sure you take lots of pictures of the two of them together so when Gavin is older he will have a wonderful treasure.
We love you lots!
JKM
Posted by: Grandma Julee at March 2, 2005 03:33 PMThanks Julee. I don't like feeling helpless, and that's just the way this situation makes me feel. But you are right, having Gavin around does make her happy. We will definitely keep on visiting her. Even if we don't have anything useful to say, just visiting her is important!
Posted by: Allie at March 2, 2005 11:07 PMAllie,
Don't feel so helpless over "helping" your grandmother. It's not your job. Your job is to love her, and you demonstrate that by simply visiting her. Taking her out for ice cream is helping her, by letting her know that you're there for her, that you love her, that you care for her. You can't take away her anguish over Leroy's passing. Keep in mind that she needs to experience it, because it is part of the grieving process, which can't be short-circuited. It will take her however much time she needs before she moves onto the next phase, acceptance.
And tell Gavin Grandpaw says, "Woof!"
Posted by: Dad at March 4, 2005 08:24 AM