we are homeowners!

We are now officially homeowners, and our days as apartment dwellers are numbered. Wahoooooo! We had the closing today. It went smoothly and everything is good. I wrote out the biggest check I have ever written today. That was an adventure. Then for a short time today I had an equally large cashier's check riding around in the car with me. I was paranoid about leaving the car to go into the store, as if people could tell just by looking that it had a check in it for so much money.

We will take possession of the house early next week. The current - er, the old - owners are moving out Monday, so it will probably be Tuesday evening or Wednesday morning before we get the keys. I can't wait to get in there and walk around and know that it's ALL MINE! But there's so much to do now. I have to get the utilities set up and a carpet cleaning scheduled. I have to finally decide on how I'm painting Gavin's room and go buy paint. Then I have to paint his room. I have to decide if I'm going to paint other rooms in the house, and if so, what color scheme.

Gavin did the funniest thing tonight. I sat down at my computer desk and had him up on my shoulder. He was looking backwards towards Jason's computer. Jason got up and left, and had all the windows closed so you could see the wallpaper on the desktop, which happens to be a picture of my face. Gavin started wiggling his legs and cooing. I looked and saw that his gaze was riveted on Jason's computer screen. He noticed me on the screen and was absolutely enthralled. He was laughing and talking to the me on the computer. It was hilarious!

hands, a grand invention

In the past week and a half, Gavin has really started playing with toys, waving his hands at them and batting them, rather than just looking at them. He is swiftly learning how to use his hands to bring toys to his mouth. Sometimes he just brings his hands to his mouth - he'll spend hours just chewing and sucking on his hands. Every day he becomes a little more adept at grasping objects and maneuvering them into his mouth. His hands flail around while he eats, as they always have, except now the movements are more controlled. Smack mommy's boob, smack self in face; smack mommy's boob, smack self in face; and so on.

He is growing more and more interested in the world around him, too. He just loves to be carried around the grocery store; he stares so intently at all the products on the shelves. The bright yellow sale tags especially catch his eye and he talk to them. The other day Jason and he were reading a magazine, and Gavin just loved the pictures on the pages. Some of the pictures made him bounce and kick his feet and coo and talk to the magazine. Tonight while we were walking at the mall, he just loved the large cup our coke came in. It was white with big red lettering on it. Jason made it dance in front of Gavin, who laughed and cooed like crazy.

The noises he makes are changing everyday. His vocal repertoire has expanded from just "ah-goo" and "guh" to include so many variations on those sounds and all kinds of new sounds. "Ooooo", "ooohhhh", "gaaaaa", just to name a few. Plus he squeals and shreiks. Playing with him has become so much fun. He's so interactive and really pays attention and plays back.

Last night Jason discovered a new game. Jason held him upright and bounced him from side to side while singing to him. Gavin giggled -- actually, he guffawed, he was laughing so hard. It was absolutely amazing and adorable. Jason and I were both laughing so hard. Gavin's laugh was the contagious kind and we couldn't help laugh along. I think last night is the first time Gavin has really laughed. He has giggled and made little laugh-like noises, but that was his first all-out, honest-to-goodness laugh-from-the-bottoms-of-his-feet laugh.

some things

We close on our house in less than a week. It doesn't seem like it should be so close already! I was sure this month was going to creep by, but it hasn't. It has sped by. I was also sure I'd have started packing by this time, but I haven't. Packing with Gavin is difficult. Packing and Gavin don't mix. I'm hoping that I can actually get packing done with the family and friends who have volunteered to come over and Gavin-sit. Time will tell. At least we have the entire month of July (after we take possession on the 7th, that is) to paint, clean, and move.

Because someone asked for more information, here are some directions for the new sling I mentioned making a couple weeks ago. Find a fabric with a little give that is still strong. I used a linen blend (I got it from JoAnn's -- currently 1.99/yd, which can't be beat). See
http://www.didymos.de/english/index_e.htm for the yardage info. Cut the fabric in half so you have a piece that is about 23 inches wide by however many feet long your fabric is. Hem or edgestitch the edges, et voila! For tying instructions, see http://www.peppermint.com/girasolcarry.htm

sick baby

Saturday evening, the back of my throat was itchy, then I found had a growing sore throat each time I woke with Gavin that night. I hoped it was nothing, but all day yesterday I was a sack of potatoes, laying around the house, trying to keep my eyes open and sniffing. (OK I realize potatoes don't sniff, but work with me here.) Gavin, also, laid around a lot and sniffed. Last night we were both pretty sniffly, only Gavin, who hasn't yet perfected the art of keeping the drips under control, woke up a lot choking and gasping. It was a long, tiring night. My poor baby has a cold. What an injustice!

Yesterday we celebrated Jason's first Father's Day. I was my usual self and didn't get out to get a card, and then with my being sick I didn't feel like sneaking out in the afternoon after church. We went to Meijer's in the evening and I bought him some Goetze's caramels and some Charleston Chews, which (I think) more than made up for no card. It wasn't as cool as my Mother's Day gift, but it was something. (And I must point out that he upgraded his computer a couple weeks ago and called that his Father's Day gift, so I wasn't not buying him a present on purpose!)

You might remember the woman at church who told us one day how happy she was that we were finally having a baby and that she'd been praying for us? Since Gavin was born and we finally returned to church (it took 4 weeks but we finally started back again), we have seen her and her husband nearly every week. They were - are - so happy to see us and the baby each week. They smile and wave and sometimes they even stop by to see him after mass. Recently we sat right in front of them and the woman's face lit up and she was so happy to be able to look at Gavin. It's a really special feeling to have someone be so happy to see you, to be so happy for you, and them being complete strangers makes it all the more special.

continuum concept

I don't normally make a big deal out of the books that I read, but I finished one today that I just want to comment on - The Continuum Concept, by Jean Liedloff. I have read a lot of material about attachment parenting topics. One of the oft-repeated suggestions is to put yourself in your baby/child's place and do to/with/for the child what you would want done to/with/for yourself in their place - in other words, see things from your child's perspective.

This book, more than any other I've read before this, convinced me of the rightness of an attachment philosophy of parenting. While the author in some cases stretches a bit in her assumption of what a baby feels or thinks in various situations to the point of sounding unrealistic, and while she makes her points in wide, blanket-statement, one-reaction-fits-all-babies ways, the gist of what she says hits home and really makes you see modern parenting methods from the baby's point of view. But then, that may have been her aim in the first place, to make generalizations that would get a person to think, not to cover every possible situation or baby personality.

The basic premise of the book is that the author spent roughly three years living with a village of native tribal folks in South America. Over the course of her time there, she noticed and then began to study how the indians behaved, both individually and as a group, and how they were almost always happy, even joyful. Happiness was their normal state of existence just as our normal state of existence is "Yeah, I'm okay" (if we're lucky) or "Enh, I could be better" (if we aren't so lucky). She concluded that the reason these people were so happy all the time was because of how they are treated from the moment of birth - constant presence in their mother's arms until they begin to crawl, and then gradually as they are physically and emotionally able, they venture farther and farther from their mother, at their own pace, knowing they can always come back to her for reassurance. That explanation doesn't begin to do justice to her theory, of course, since she took a whole book to explain what I've just got a paragraph for. Read the book, it'll make more sense.

The section of the book that keeps leaping out at me as I think back on the book - well, one of the sections - describes an infant's life among the indians and a Western infant's life. The description of the Western baby's life was exceedingly moving - moved me to tears as I read it. The author's words pound home the loneliness, fear, and deprivation that babies must feel who do not receive the attention and care they desire, when they are left to lay alone in their cribs or on the floor, crying, their needs going unmet for minutes or hours on end. While I realize that the author was describing extremes in an attempt to make a point, it was effective.

I must admit that her point was well taken as I had tears running down my cheeks thinking of the lonely, sad, heartbroken babies in the world - as I imagined myself as one of those babies, lying alone and so frightened, unsure of what is going on around me, desperate for someone to come and love me, and feeling dreadfully homesick for the warm, strong arms of my mother. It really made me put myself fully in the place of a baby, of Gavin specifically. Although I have done my best all along to see things from Gavin's perspective, it is difficult sometimes to separate myself from my thirty years of experience in this world and see the world from his two month old viewpoint. This book helped me to see more clearly from his perspective, with his lack of timesense or understanding of words or concepts like "I can't [feed you/pick you up/hold you] now, I have to [fill in the blank]. In a minute." No matter how good my intentions might be, and no matter how much love my voice conveys, he still knows only that he has a need right now and no one is taking care of it right now (because right now is the only concept of time he has).

our first sewage emergency

This evening we experienced our first sewage emergency. I nursed Gavin, then put him up over my shoulder to burp, which he did, along with the requisite spitup. As I was shifting him to my other arm so I could clean up his spitup, my hand discovered a very large quantity of spit up that had run down his leg. Time slowed down. I felt the warmth and gooeyness of the spitup as my brain simultaneously determined that the texture was odd and that it was a rather copious amount of spitup, even for Gavin. I brought my hand out from under him and my eyes fastened onto the golden colored spitup and realization hit me. This was not spitup. Oh no, no it was not.

So I yelped to Jason to come help me and we whisked him upstairs and cleaned him up as best we could, then plunked him in the tub, because it really had gone everywhere and wipes just didn't do the mess justice. Once the boy was out and dried off, I hopped into the shower, as I was the recipient of a large quantity of sewage myself. There it is, our first blowout. A momentous occasion. Party on.

Some good news for today is that I am finally married again! I was at last able to put on my wedding bands today, something I haven't been able to do since October. Now I can retire Gavin's ring to someplace safe until he's old enough for us to give it to him (that's the band we bought so I had a band to wear, since I had to take mine off so early in the pregnancy).

double trouble

I've been looking into making my own diaper doublers recently. The ones I have found available for sale online from WAHMs and cloth diaper stores are way too expensive for my taste, considering how simple they are (just a couple layers of terrycloth and fleece stitched together). So I have found a website from which I can order the special fabrics (because of course the experts recommend certain fabrics, which aren't typically sold in your average fabric store). But now I'm on a slippery slope, because I have found things like these, which I've been desperately trying to ignore. Making my own diapers is something I do not need to get involved in. I already have quilting and crocheting and scrapbooking and housecleaning/painting/moving into going on. Not to mention a two month old baby to take care of. And yet, there is a growing urge to just give it a try.... go on.... just make one.... what harm can it do?....go on.... just one.....the pattern's on sale...

Of course this is made worse by the fact that I really shouldn't be spending the money at all. We don't need the diapers right now, so making my own would be purely an experiment in textiley entertainment. Unless of course I was thinking about making them for sale, but I don't really want to do that. I could certainly use a way to bring in extra income since we're a one-income family now, but making diapers isn't really high on my list of options. (Though I must admit that until I actually try making diapers I can't honestly say if I want to do it or not.) But there are already dozens and dozens of people making and selling diapers out there. I don't think I need to add one more WAHM (work at home mom) store to the zillions out there when there's nothing special about what I could offer.

I don't think I've mentioned here that I am now officially a stay at home mom. As of my six week postpartum checkup, it is official. I called my boss and gave him the go ahead so he could file my termination paperwork. I did end up getting maternity leave after all, even though I told work that I was not returning after the baby and that I was quitting as of the end of March. They decided all on their own that I deserved leave pay for my honesty and being up front about my plans - we were (understandably) thrilled and elated about that. But now that extra pay is received and shoveled into savings (and will promptly be gone at the end of the month when we close on our house), and we're adjusting to life on one income. Although we have been "practicing" for the past few months, the reality is going to be different, and I know it. Different, yes, and probably even difficult. But I wouldn't change our situation for the world. Being home with Gavin is the most important thing in the world to me, and it's worth any amount of doing without I might have to endure.

distress!

Oh my goodness. Gavin has decided that having his diaper changed is Ultimate Suffering. He cries and screams and wails as if he were being laid down on a bed of nails instead of a nice cushy changing pad. As soon as we pick him up when the change is over, the tears turn off and he's fine (except for the tears in his eyes and a few lingering gulpy sob-whimpers). All this from the boy who used to smile and act all happy and kicky when we changed his diaper. We have no idea why the sudden change (in changing behavior... ha ha ha I so funny). It's not every single diaper change, but it is a good many of them, maybe half. There's no apparent reason why some changes are okay but others are worthy of such ire. He goes from completely content to completely distressed just like that. I don't get it.

diaper disappointment

I finally won a couple of auctions on Ebay for a total of a dozen used Fuzzi Bunz. They arrived late last week and I promptly washed them. On Sunday I tried out the first one, only to be bitterly disappointed when within an hour Gavin's clothes were soaked. Yesterday I tried three more, each time with the same result. Today, another one with the same result again. How maddening! The Fuzzis I have that I bought new do not do this. I am more than a little upset at the $100 I spent on these. I am going to poke around on the internet and see if this is common and if there is an easy solution to the leakage problem that doesn't involve pitching the lot into the dumpster outside. I'm (pessimistically) assuming there is no such solution and am resigning myself to ordering another dozen prefolds and just going with that diapering system completely. Though there are other options that aren't quite as expensive as the Fuzzis.. fitteds and contours and the like. Part of me is even tempted to try and make some diapers, too. How hard can it be, really? I have the Fuzzis as a model, surely I can make a close approximation for a lot less money! I'm just not sure how much more money I can reasonably spend trying out different types of diapers!

In other news, as I am typing this Jason is in the bedroom playing with Gavin. Gavin just let out a huge happy squeal. Apparently he reached out and knocked over the stuffed giraffe and found that to be a most entertaining activity. How cute, his first squeal!

all grown up

My baby sister Aileen is growing up. She graduated from high school this weekend and is on her way to the Big World of College now. She'll be starting school at Ohio State in the fall. This weekend was full of graduation activities for her. Last night was her graduation party and tonight was her graduation ceremony. The party was the night before, yes, but that's because one of our cousins also graduated this year and they threw a joint party. Gavin handled the party last night really well. He didn't mind all the people who wanted to hold him. He's a content boy just as long as someone is holding him.

Gavin is two months old now! He is starting to smile on hims own in response to his surroundings, instead of only when we make googly faces and sounds at him. Today we hung a toy on his car seat with linky rings and he just loves it. He bats at the toy and talks to it and is in general quite entranced by it. Who knew a set of large plastic keys could be so entertaining!

more to love

Here's something that I have come to love. I have really enjoyed my other slings, which are Maya Wrap style. But this one is almost better, except for the fact it's a little more time consuming to put on. I saw references to tie-style slings on a message board a couple of weeks ago and decided to make one and try it out. Earlier this week I bought some fabric ($1.99/yard, and I had a 40% off coupon on top of that!) and last night I sewed it up real quick and tried it out. Sooooooo nice! It barely feels like I'm wearing Gavin at all, since his weight is distributed over both shoulders and my waist. The only problem is that maneuvering the fabric around and tying it is a little difficult given my hands (which, by the way, still have tendonitis and still hurt like the dickens), but that has to go away at some point and all will be peachy-keen!

different every day

Gavin seems to be changing at such a fast pace that something is different every day. Each day he is a little more interactive and responsive to us. Every day his coos are a little different and richer with subtle sounds. Each day he is closer to laughing. Jason swears that he has laughed already. Sometimes I think he has, too, but I think until we hear that unmistakable sound that leaves no room for doubt, we're not going to say he has laughed his first laugh.

Speaking of his coos, Gavin just loves it when we say "nn-guuhh" at him. That makes him smile and almost-laugh so much. Sometimes it's enough even to bring him out from fussiness into smiliness. And speaking of what he loves, I am amused now by my new perspective from the parent side of things. Before he was born, I would read or hear about parents saying their baby just loved this or that, and I would secretly scoff at the idea that a baby could love anything. Now I can't explain exactly why I felt that way; any reasoning for that opinion is long gone, replaced with a firm certainty that babies absolutely can and do love certain things. They have preferences and likes and things they don't like so much and they can, without a doubt, express those preferences.

Come to think of it, a baby's capacity to love, period, was something of a mystery to me before experiencing it first-hand. Somehow, the concept of love must have been tied, subconsciously in my mind, to the ability to deliberately verbally or physically express said love, and hence, babies obviously couldn't really love you. What they did instead I don't think I ever really got around to thinking about. I can't imagine I thought they were without any feelings of love. But now I know unequivocably that babies can and do love. You just know, looking at your baby, that there is love there. The trust they have in you that you will feed and comfort and care for them? That's love. The way they smile at you when you jiggle a pair of socks in front of them? That's love. The way they look up into your eyes with their own tear-stained eyes when you have just helped them pass a particularly painful bubble of gas? That's love. I'll never again doubt that babies can love or think that they cannot express it.