all kinds of firsts

Boy was this was a day of all kinds of firsts.

1) First Sporting Event. We went to a Columbus Crew soccer game tonight. We haven't done something like that in ages so it was a nice diversion. Free tickets didn't hurt either! Gavin did real well with the stadium noise, after awhile anyway. The first time everyone cheered and stomped their feet his lip shot out and he screamed. I nursed him until he calmed down, with my finger blocking his ear, and when he was done he was okay with the noise.

I think he looks rather Sam The Eagle-ish here. Here now, what's all this rowdiness? Stop it, stop it this instant. You rabble-rousers, you.

2) Rolling Back to Front. Nothing more to say about this. He rolled back to front while reaching for a toy he had dropped. This was taken mere moments after he rolled over. Nothing like having the camera ready at hand.

3) First Tooth. Yes it's true, at not even four months old, he got his first tooth. He has been drooling like Niagara for a couple months and knawing on anything he can coerce into his mouth for several weeks. I knew teeth would happen soon. I just didn't think this soon. This morning he was on the floor and I was on hands and knees above him playing with him when I caught a glimpse of a shadow on his lower gum. I peeked in and indeed there was a white shadow with a darker, translucent bit. I couldm't feel much with my finger so I pulled out a trusty spoon and tapped on his gum and sure enough it clinked! It has been pushing through more and more all day. Now you can definitely feel it with your finger and owie it hurts when he gnaws now! Oh and he already bit me while nursing. Hurrah. My little boy is growing up. Awww. Sniff.

out to dinner

On Moving Saturday after we had finished with the move and all of our help (Dylan and Susan, Norm, Andy, Mom, Shannon and Tom and Fiona and Devon, and Aileen, though of course Fiona and Devon did more supervising than carrying of heavy items) had left to go home, we decided to go out to eat, because although the kitchen was in order thanks to my efforts earlier in the week, we were too pooped to cook. So we went to the nearby Chinese buffet. We were sitting there quietly minding our business eating our fill of fattening but yummy foods, when one of the women who works there walked up and started fawning over Gavin. She was "goochie-goo"ing his cheeks and ooo-ing and awww-ing at him. Then she held out her arms to indicate she wanted to hold him. Well, all right, I thought, what could it hurt? I'm right here. So I handed him to her and she fawned some more. Then she looked back at the other women employees by the buffet tables and motioned to me something I didn't quite get (she apparently doesn't speak much English because she didn't actually say anything) and then zipped over to the women, and they all goo-gahed at him in obvious delight. My maternal alarm kicked in. I turned and watched them, every muscle tensed and ready for pursuit should they try to disappear with him. I don't know what I thought they might do, as they were only 10 feet away and it was clearly harmless the way they were loving all over him. But still you never know. The only reason I didn't follow the woman was because Jason was over at the buffet within easy reach should anything happen. He and I kept exchanging bemused, wary looks the whole time. At last, the woman brought him back and thanked me and left. It was a funny experience looking back, but I think next time I will say no thanks when someone wants to hold him, no matter how harmless they look. That was far too unnerving.

Gavin's 4 Month appt

On Thursday last week Gavin had his fourth month appointment. He weighed in at 17 lbs 12 oz and was 24.75" long. I think he is a longer than that. The nurse didn't try very hard to make sure he was all stretched out. His growth has slowed down considerably. He is gaining about half a pound a week now, instead of the pound a week he gained for the first two months. He is in the 95th percentile on weight, down from over 100 last time. I can't remember the percentile on length, but it is fairly normal, around 60th.

a year ago today...

One year ago today we found out we were pregnant. What a year. How very different our lives are today than they were then!

now I get it

There was an episode of Mad About You in the last season after they had the baby and the show was slowly jumping the shark, so like all the episodes from that season it was more than a little annoying and far-fetched. But still. So Jamie and Paul got the chance to spend some time alone, away from Mabel. I think they were at some rich person's condo or something like that. There was a hot tub and drinks and luxuriousness abounded. Very posh and very much the antithesis of the Life As Parents that they had been living. Near the end of the show Jamie freaked out and was urging Paul to never go back home, to never go back to that Life As Parents.

At the time I wasn't able to understand why she would want that. Now I get it. I understand why she would want to get away and go back to the way things were Before. Given the chance, I would love to get away. And once away, I'm not sure I would want to go back.

That's a scary thought. I mean, I'm supposed to love this, right? I'm supposed to be happy to be a mom and to be giving myself to this child of mine. I'm supposed to be content to give and give and give and occasionally get a little back when he smiles or coos. So why am I not? The truth is I am tired of being needed 24 hours a day. I am tired of giving and giving and giving. Those smiles and coos aren't enough reward anymore.

I know, after having some time alone today and talking things out a bit with Jason, that I'm overstressed. That the past three weeks with packing and moving and unpacking, which are stressful enough on their own merit, along with taking care of Gavin, are taking their toll. I need to take some time to relax and recharge and just take care of myself. But I'm not good at that. I'm much better at taking care of other people than taking care of myself. I'd rather bathe in the misery of being, well, miserable than do whatever it takes to fix my broken self.

Fortunately Jason is here looking out for me, and forced me out of the house today to do some shopping on my own while he watched Gavin. Of course, I didn't buy anything for myself. I bought clothes for Gavin and a birthday present for Jason. But I was still out on my own and able to do grownup things for a while. And I do feel better. A little. But I still want to get away. And part of me still longs to go back to Before.

new sounds

In the last 24 hours, Gavin has discovered a whole bunch of new sounds. He's talking and babbling and squealing conversationally (instead of just delightedly). He'll lay there staring at toys or his hands or the ceiling fan and go on and on. Sometimes his talking sounds frustrated or distressed but when you look over at him, he's happy as can be.

moved in

We're moved in now. The move went really quickly, overall. Half our moving help showed up around 8.30 Saturday morning and within an hour, the truck was nearly full. We made a total of two trips with the truck and were done by 1 in the afternoon. Now, almost a week later, the place is starting to look a bit like it ought to instead of a mess. We're slowly getting things in place. If we can get the basement and office in order, that'll solve a lot of the remaining problems.

I have pictures but can't upload them yet. We still don't have DSL. Right now I'm posting on Jason's work laptop, which is dialup and so very excruciatingly s l l l o o o o o w w w w w w w w. Supposedly they'll have DSL turned on by Tuesday, at which point I will have heaps and masses of pictures to upload.

sanity check

I feel better now. Nothing like doing a little sprucing up of one's website to clear one's head and make one feel better. Not that I should be doing this. Gavin's asleep and therefore so should I be, but I truly do feel better. Of course it also helps my sanity that we got a whole ton of stuff packed up today and that Jason made two runs over to the house to drop off boxes. The flip side of this that I'm conveniently ignoring for the moment is that the packing we did today was of the pick-up-item-drop-in-nearest-box variety that involved no skill or thought or logic. Unpacking will be a bitch.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank my mom for all her help this week. She's spent every evening this week with us helping us pack and paint and do things to prepare for the move. Without her help, I know we wouldn't be as ready as we are for the big moving day on Saturday. Thanks, Mom!

we're nuts

That's all there is to it. We're nuts. Certifiably Nuts. What in the world possessed us to make us think we could move with a three month old baby? One who won't be put down? One who won't nap more than 30 minutes at a time on a good day? And a neurotic dog to boot? Haven't I mentioned the dog? No? Well, she is neurotic. Enough said. I'm so the hell frustrated with this chaos, and my COMPLETE inability to even take the chaos and turn it into a nice organized chaos of neatly stacked boxes. Gavin won't even let me do packing stuff while holding him. While HOLDING him! Good God, we are nuts.

real quick

Just a real quick update before I fall into bed. It's been a crazy two weeks since we took posession of the house. Over the weekend we painted with the help of some extremely generous friends who gave up the majority of both days to help us. We painted the family room, living room, and master bedroom. On Monday and Tuesday I painted the foyer. Now all that's left is Gavin's room, and unfortunately I think that's going to have to wait until after this weekend. I wanted all the painting done before we moved but I just don't think that's going to happen. Oh, and I finally picked paint colors by just doing it. I picked colors I liked and that seemed as if they would work. I figured the worst that would happen would be I'd hate it and in six months we'd paint again. (However, after doing the patining this weekend, I'm not so sure I want to paint again, even in six months, even if it's to cover a color I hate!)

Ever since last Tuesday when we got the keys, we have been taking carloads of boxes over each time we go to the house. It doesn't seem like any one carload makes a difference, and yet the basement here is nearly empty, while the basement there is nearly full. Funny how that works. Tonight we stayed at the apartment and packed. The place really looks like we're moving now. The walls are bare, the kitchen is all packed up, and the rest of the apartment is all in disarray. This is the part about moving I have the most. The disarray and complete, utter chaos. Please, get me to this Sunday when I can start organizing! This lack of orderliness is driving me nuts!

congratulations!

Congratulations are in order to Rose and Mark, who recently found out they're pregnant with their first child. Hurrah! Can't wait to meet the little peanut, guys.

I stopped at Home Depot and picked up paint chips this afternoon, then when Jason got home from work we went over to the house and I wandered around holding the chips up in various rooms to see how the colors worked. That's hard stuff, folks. How can you possibly know what your room will look like in a particular color based on a 1x2" bit of paint on a piece of cardstock? Sure the color looks ok in the ambient light, and sure I like it well enough, but what mood will the color set? What will it do to the feel of the room? What will it look like once we get our furniture in there and things on the walls? Is the color too dark? Too light? Could I go darker without making the room look like a cave? You just don't know till you do it and then if you hate it it's too late.

three months of boy!

Gavin turned three months old yesterday, and as a way of celebrating, has developed a completely new personality. Or so it seems. Whereas before this he would not allow us to so much as think about putting him down on the floor for even a minute, suddenly in the last week he thinks this is okay. He actually seems to like being on the floor. He gurgles and coos and talks to his hands, all while laying there on the blanket like any normal baby. I tell you, I am a little wierded out by this strange development. Not complaining, mind you. Just wierded out.

The bookend of developments surrounding his three month-day is what he did today -- he rolled over. He was laying on the floor on his belly, having a grand old time. I was on the phone with my sister, sitting nearby, watching when he rolled over, all the way from his tummy to his back. I think it startled him, because he looked a little surprised to suddenly be facing a new direction when no hands had touched him.

On Sunday morning I got up with Gavin and changed his diaper. I was in the middle of changing it when he spit up. I cleaned up the spitup and resumed the change. Just as I was getting ready to slip the new diaper under his bum, I saw a strange look cross his face and heard a peculiar gurgly noise in his belly. And then a deluge of biblical proportions issued forth from this boy's mouth. It was unlike anything I had seen come from this child to date. It arced up and out a good 18 inches. It covered the boy, the changing table, the carpet, and me. And it kept going on and on. When the flood had ceased, I picked him up to cuddle him. Not that he was particularly upset, but I worried he might be and might need some reassurance. It may have been me that needed the reassurance. Of course, you will remember that I hadn't had a chance to rediaper the boy, right? Of course, you know what happened next, right? He peed on me. Of course. What a day of joyous bodily fluid fun.

And the best news I have saved for last. We got our keys today! The house is all ours! Yippeeee!

where's my baby?

That's what I want to know! This morning, on two separate occasions, Gavin actually laid all by himself and played for ten or fifteen minutes while I did things around the house. All by himself! I am amazed. Who took my baby and replaced him with this happy-to-be-on-the-floor guy?