dogless

It is bizarre being a dogless house. Ever since I was 9 or so, there's always been a dog in the house. The first couple of days after Straka died, the house felt extremely empty and vacant. The feeling of emptyness has faded now. Now it feels fairly normal to walk in the door and not hear the padding of her feet coming to greet us. But every now and then the feeling of emptiness reappears, like at bedtime when our routine no longer includes letting her out and then getting her a cookie before heading upstairs.

Yesterday I looked at the sliding glass door that leads to the backyard and felt an ache in my heart when I realized we hadn't opened that door since Thursday evening. So I opened it and Gavin and I went out back to play. Straka's tennis balls litter the back of the yard, left from the past few months when we'd throw them and she would chase after but lose interest quickly. She used to love playing ball, but this winter her hips started to really bother her and she stopped playing, although you could tell she really wanted to.

Gavin missed her. We weren't sure if he would, but he did. Friday night when we came back from church, we walked through the door and he looked around and around signing "dog". How very sad it was. We explained that she had gone away and wasn't here anymore. He didn't understand, but what else could we do? Just now he saw a picture of her on my screen and got very excited and started laughing and siging "dog." I wonder how long until he sees her picture and doesn't remember her?

Her death as a surprise but we werern't shocked. She was old and her health had declined rapidly over the last year. Thursday evening she was breathing funny and wasn't acting herself. We sat with her for a long time, petting her and talking to her. Eventually she roused and got up and walked around a little, albeit wobbly and limpy and very weakly, but still, she was up and around. Jason got up around 5 and went looking for her, just to check and make sure she was okay. He found her, but she was gone.

The moment of Jason coming into the bedroom and telling me she was dead is one of those I have relived many times this past week. It will likely haunt me forever. You always remember the moment you first learned of a tragic event. What you were doing, exactly how it felt, your reaction.

She declined a lot in the last year. She turned very rapidly from an old puppy to an old dog. She lost weight, got stiff and achy in her hips and other joints. She wasn't super poor, but she wasn't well either. Despite that, I don't think that's how I will remember her. I think I will always remember the puppy she always was at heart. The little red dog with a big heart. The one who barked "stop the violence!" if she saw someone being hurt. The one who loved to run. The one who would play ball for hours and hours, long past the time where our arms tired out. The one who loved to look for kitties outside, and would chase them given the chance.

hugs

A couple of entries ago I mentioned that Jason taught Gavin to hug. Since then, he has started hugging everything. Friday night my dad, Barb, and sisters were here for dinner. Devon (Gavin's cousin a few weeks older) was standing near the sofa when Gavin walked up to him and laid his head down on Devon's chest in a hug. Then he did it again. And again. Then he grabbed Devon's head with one hand on either side and hugged his face, then kissed him with a big wet sloppy baby kiss. And then hugged some more. Later, Devon was laying on the floor and Gavin once again started hugging him. Devon wasn't so happy about all this, but we couldn't stop laughing.

we are well

We are all well here in the M household. Neither Jason nor I ended up sick, although on Sunday last week I thought I was going to be. It turned out to be just the onset of "female complaints." It felt for all the world like I was coming down with the stomach flu though. The mind can play horrid tricks sometimes can't it?

All this past week I have been sickish and exhausted (not stomach sickish, thankfully, just sniffly-sneezy sickish). Could be menstrual, or maybe I've been fighting something off. Or maybe my allergies are just doing pre-springtime calisthentics.

Gavin's been babbling up a storm. Lately he's really starting to mimic what we say, repeating sounds and aping intonation when we talk. He says "app-uh" (apple) and "buh-ba" (bye bye) and "ba-nhh" (banana) and "bababababa" (most other things he tries to mimic). He's really hooked on "b" sounds right now.

His signing is similarly stuck in one track. He uses one sign for everything. The same sign means "hello/goodbye," "doggy," "nurse," "what is that?" "I'm curious about that," "I'm excited by that," and "I recognize that but still don't know the sign for it even though you've been showing me it for three months." Despite the fact it's the same sign, we strangely enough know what he means, most of the time. Even so, I really hope he picks up all the other signs we're using. And soon.

The weather is really turning nice. Soon it will be time to start working on the yard again. I have great plans for the backyard. Visions of vegetables and herbs thriving in every free space dance in my brain. I know reality won't match my vision, at least not in this first summer, but still I'm excited to begin working toward that dream.

Meanwhile, I've got quite a few projects going on inside. I would love to have his scrapbook semi-caught-up the time of his party (in less than 2 weeks! how is it this time of year again already?!). I know it won't happen, but I dream of this. I'll just have to settle for having it completed up through five months or so.

I have a number of sewing projects lined up. I'm sewing curtains and a valance for the window in his room. I also plan on sewing some other pieces for his room, though I'm not sure what yet - crib bumper, maybe a crib skirt, possibly some hanging organizer type things.

There are clothes sewing projects as well. Recently I got brave and bought some patterns for skirts and pants for myself when JoAnn's had a $0.99 pattern sale a few weeks ago. Now I need some fabric and I can start on an Allie-wardrobe improvement quest... presuming that I actually can manage to sew halfway decently.

Another project is sewing diapers. I'm really, truly giving it a shot, even though every attempt thus far has been a less than shining example of diaperness. But I'm getting better. I bought a pattern, which has helped immensely. Here's my first finished diaper by the pattern, which I just did today:

It doesn't look like much. It's big and dumpy and the velcro is too low on the front. But it's a far cry better than all previous attempts so I'm dubbing it a success. Just a success with room for improvement.

Lastly, Gavin loves baths. He loves, loves, loves, LOVES baths. When we go into the bathroom and sit on the edge of the tub and begin filling it with water, he gets so excited he can barely contain himself. He reserves this level of excitement for two things, nursing and bathtime. A few weeks ago he started picking up anything and everything in sight and throwing it into the tub in preparation for his bath. A riot.

Oh and one other thing - his eighth tooth is through! hurrah! Maybe now he'll be less cranky. Today he was absolutely wired. In church he would NOT sit still, would not even think about letting us hold him. He wanted down to run around and he wanted it NOW thankyouverymuch. I ended up going back to the cry room for all of mass and he ran around the entire time. And it continued like that all day. I don't know what's up. We figure his grandma gave him a shot of espresso last night when she babysat him. Haha!

ugh blech and yuck

6.43 this morning we were all sleeping quite peacefully, tucked away in bed. 6.44 this morning we were awakened rather suddenly and unpleasantly to the sound of bluuuuurrrrrrooooooorrrrrrp, a translation of which equates roughly to "Gavin puking all over mommy and the bed." That was fun. Not. But we survived. Most of it landed on me so it wasn't too bad. For the bed. For me, it was a rather icky and wet matter, at least until I changed clothes.

But Gavin continued to throw up all morning. He was rather creative in his efforts, too, managing to puke into my shoe and all over the couch. It was pathetic, really. Because he'd empty his stomach, so he felt hungry and wanted to nurse. But he would nurse and that upset his stomach so he threw up again. The first few times he didn't seem to know what was happening and the puking didn't phase him, but after a time he began to recognize the sensation and cry, then once he threw up he sobbed and sobbed so heartbrokenly that it made me cry.

He seems to be a little better now. He's not puking anymore thankfully, and he has had a couple of good naps. Apart from being cranky and having a bit of diarrhea, he is okay. We are hopefuly against hope right now that we won't catch what he has, but we figure the chances are slim. Sigh. It's really a bit like waiting for a bad storm, knowing there's nothing you can do but wait, and knowing it'll be unpleasant when it hits. Blech.

new things

It was such a nice day yesterday that we went to the zoo. We took my grandmother and my mom as well. Apart from being a little windy, it was lovely. Gavin got to walk with some ducks, and he had two geese walk right up to him, though they didn't know he was there. They were focused on Jason and I, who were eating popcorn.

We've had all kinds of new milestones reached in the past few days, some bigger than others. In the past four days Gavin has:

- Started playing patty-cake without our help. That is, we sing the song and he waves his arms around. Jason told me this morning that Gavin was moving his arms in a circular motion when he said "roll it" and he patted them when Jason said "pat it", and the rest of the time Gavin waved them around attempting to clap (clapping is one thing he hasn't mastered yet. still not so good with clapping.).

- Climbed down the stairs. He's been climbing up them for months now, and he finally learned to go down the slow way. (The fast way being tumbling head over heels from top to bottom.) It makes my heart leap into my throat watching him do it, but he's learning. We watched him climb up two steps and climb back down, climb up two steps and climb down, over and over again the other day. It was very cute.

- Got a new tooth. Finally! His seventh tooth came through sometime recently. I don't know when exactly because he has learned that he doesn't have to let us look in his mouth if he doesn't want to. Needless to say, he never wants us to so we have to catch a glimpse here and there when he cries. It has been since the end of October when he got his last one, and we've been expecting a new one anytime. Maybe the eighth with grant us the pleasure of its arrival soon so we can have some teething-free time before the eye teeth decide to move in.

- Gives hugs. Jason taught him to give hugs, and now if you say "give me a hug?" He (sometimes) will cuddle in close to you and put his head down on your shoulder. Sometimes he just hugs whatever happens to be closest to him... the floor, the sofa...

he speaks

We have enough evidence now to say that without a doubt, Gavin has uttered his first word. And what is that word? you are asking. It's not mama. It's not dada. It's not even dog (unless you count signing, in which case dog would probably be his first word). No, Gavin's first word is "apple."

I started noticing a few days ago that he seemed to be repeating what I was saying when I would put down a piece of cooked apple on his high chair tray and say "apple." At first he said, in a soft whisper of voice, "ahh-p-hh." Over the weekend I thought he might be actually saying the word, and then last night at Devon's birthday party I got him to say it several times, this time quite clearly. Or, as clearly as an almost-eleven-month-old says anything.

And then, as if that wasn't enough, yesterday and today he's been making "woof" noises. He does it when he hears a dog barking or when I ask him what a doggy says. It's really cute, but it is a sound completely unreproducible (irreproducible? - ducable? what word and I traying to use here?). Sometimes it's a grunty kind of noise, while others it's a "wwuh" sound, and others it actually has a "fff" in it.

family circle, gavin style

walking boy

Yesterday Gavin made a big leap in walking. As I watched him toddle around, I could almost see him changing from using walking as a "sometimes" way of getting from point A to point B to a "pretty much always" way of getting there. Today he's been walking longer distances than he has yet, going all over the place and even turning around in circles and stopping and starting.

We were at my grandmother's tonight and the other elderly folks there were charmed as can be by his toddling. We were supposed to go to ny nephew's birthday party tonight but because of the snow and the far drive out to Shannon's, they canceled the party. So we took Grandma out for ice cream instead, since she was expecting to get out of the home for a while. When we got back we sat down in the common room for a while and Gavin walked around and around getting into everything he could.

One of Gavin's favorite pastimes is pushing things. You name it, if it moves, he will push it - chairs, cardboard boxes, his high chair, the big heavy rocking chair in the family room, end tables, pillows on the floor. Tonight he found a wheel chair sitting unused and moved around and around that thing trying to figure out how to push it, until he happed to push the lever that unlocks it. He is so freaking persistent. He was so happy when it finally moved, he pushed that wheel chair around and around and around, and probably would still be pushing it to this moment if we hadn't stopped him.

Speaking of my grandmother, we've been spending a lot of time with her since my grandfather died. Every few days we'll go stop by and see her at the home where she lives. It's a really nice place, but she has such a hard time being there. She misses her husband and she is paranoid (because of her memory problems and because of all the change happening lately in her life) so it can be difficult to know what to say. What could I possibly say to comfort her? I've been through nothing like what she's experiencing, so any words of consolation or explanation that I come up with feel hollow and unhelpful. I wish I knew what would help her - if anything would.